I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
