Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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