pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
