Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
