apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
