hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
not ubering you a puppy
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize