he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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