I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
