In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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