apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
