I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Never underestimate the power of titties
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
