That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
