The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
