I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The power of my boobs compel you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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