Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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