On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
