My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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