This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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