I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
