At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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