Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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