i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
