this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize
