All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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