checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
