I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
