our cab driver is having phone sex.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
