Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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