DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
