you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
