Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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