I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
