I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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