The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
