went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
