I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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