I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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