Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize