I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
