Moan for me like Helen Keller
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You're like the curious george of whores
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize