they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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