Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
