My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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