Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
