Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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