walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
