She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i think i just lost a toe
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
