I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
