mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
