Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
