Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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