Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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