just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
