Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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