I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
