I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
