I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm determined to sit on that face.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
