i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
