i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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