what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
