wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
