the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize