My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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