guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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