so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Someone shattered a urinal.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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