you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
