in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
