Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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