I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
