Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
