Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
