if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
